508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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