awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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