Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
