he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
