I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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