i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
