Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
