i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
