Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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