Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
