why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
