You're completely useless in the revolution.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
