i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
