I need to stop coming to work sober
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
