nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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