i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize