Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
