I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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