Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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