i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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