before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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