did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
