It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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