please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
