I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
