I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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