Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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