Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize