I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
