hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
