Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
