Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
