Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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