Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
