I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize