god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
