I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
