i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
