I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize