North Korea, Best Korea!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
