Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
do nipples grow back?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
