My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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