i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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