I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
