I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
