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After last night, I could never be a politician.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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