I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
