We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize