i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
