I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize