I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
