she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
