i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
