Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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