I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
