there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am one with the molecules
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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