guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
