i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
