Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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