The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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