Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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