dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
