What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
