you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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