duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
