Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Houston, we have a blender
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize