Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
