It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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