Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
