Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
