She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
