I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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