Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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