What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
home. puking in laundry basket.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
